Stuck in the Middle (of Stew)

To the Tune of Stealer's Wheel's "Stuck in the Middle"

I don't know how I came to this plight
I'm guessing that something ain't right
I'm wearing some kind of a baste
Cooking tender for the perfect taste
And there's cannibals left of me, shamen to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle of stew

And I'm stuck in the middle of stew
And I don't think there's much I can do
They're looking hungry and they want me to stay
Here for dinner as the main entree
And there's diners to the left of me, stokers to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle of stew

And I started for the Congo to learn about my fellow man
But I wound up in the pot, and all because they want my meeeeeat
To eeeeeeeat

Well, it's awfully hot on the floor
And the water can't boil any more
The witch doctor has started his dance
And I'm really not liking my chance
Well, there's cannibals left of me, shamen to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle of stew

And they all said I was crazy, they said that I was a brazen man
I was trying to be manly, and now I'm cryin' "Stanley pleeeeease
Help meeeeeee"

I don't know how I'll make it tonight
Victim of a sacrificial rite
With veggies and spices I bathe
Because they'd rather have a meal than a slave
And there's diners to the left of me, stokers to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle of stew